About

I'm getting indignant for you. You're probably too busy to do it for yourself.

Even as children, women are "helpers." We are continually told that we should put others first. We are expected to be the one who sacrifices their own time, energy, and dreams.

We are willing to do this, because we are compassionate, giving, and loving people.

Have we given too much of our life force to others?

But I believe this goes too far.

It becomes expected, routine, taken-for-granted. We are told we're supposed to, that it's what we were made for, or even that our religion has commanded it.

Women rarely get this kind of massive support and encouragement returned back to them. We are supposed to draw what we need from the joy of giving to others.

We don't have the time or the energy to take care of ourselves in the wonderfully loving way we take care of others.

The people in our lives often don't realize the deal was: that all such love should be returned.

• It seems selfish to take care of ourselves.
• We think we don't have time for hobbies or interests of our own.
• A few hours on a weekend should be enough for us. Or we dream of having such.
• We worry that thinking such thoughts means we don't love our family enough.
• We anticipate a future time when things will get better, only it does not seem to happen.

If the only one around who takes care of us, is us, it becomes a moral obligation to do so. And a long-delayed opportunity. Because I constantly see how women reach the mid-point in their lives, only to feel like it is already over.

• Health issues that consume their new leisure time.
• Finishing their motherhood role lowers their status.
• Passions and interests have rusted from disuse.
• Reluctance to battle the status quo.

All of these, and more, can be fixed. We don't need permission... from anyone but ourselves.

I've been struggling for years with the upheaval in my life caused by the shifts of menopause. It turns out a past marked by stress and over-giving led to many of my difficulties, and dealing with it was instrumental in my still-ongoing recovery.

I've also listened to the stories of other women who have their own challenges, yet all based in the same problem.

Being allowed to live for ourselves.

Yes, it's a radical notion! And I'm just the one to lay it all out.

Because, deep down, I'm just like you. I want to help.